Hellacious

OMFG I HAVE A BLOG

• Posted by rethwyll on May 12th, 2007 filed in Life In General

Ha ha! I kind of forgot that for awhile. Well, not REALLY. I’d like to have forgotten that, but every other day, a little voice in my head was saying “You know, you bought that domain name for a reason. And NOT just so that there wouldn’t be a porn site there eventually. Because that actually would have been kind of cool, yeah? What kind of porn would someone put there? Maybe something really deviant, like furry/clown slash or something.”

Then I smacked myself around and took my meds.

So let’s catch up a bit, shall we?

Oh LOOK. The Hellspawn is no longer, like, a legume! It’s actually recognizable! No cloven hooves yet, apparently, but there’s still time. This was the officially-sanctioned ultrasound, scheduled and everything, so we were there for a good long while. And beforehand, I had to drive approximately 27 gallons of water, just to fill my bladder and get everything pushed “up and out”, so to speak. Well, everything was pushed up and out all right, including my back teeth, which were floating. Thankfully, they only needed to do the “Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea” view for the first 5 or 10 minutes, and then I was allowed to visit the bathroom. Quite possibly the best pee I’ve ever had.

The night previous, the fetus and I attended the Ted Leo + the Pharmacists concert in Madison, which was AWESOME. It was at the student union in a room that was obviously some sort of cafe during the day. All the tables and chairs were stacked around the sides of the room and there was a makeshift stage at one end of the room, where some BIGASS speakers (taller than I was) were set up. This is how you know it’s going to be a good concert. THEN the opening act (Love of Diagrams) was late, and one of the student lackeys came out and said they wouldn’t be playing due to illness, so Ted Leo would have to do an extended set, which OMGPONIES!!1! Too great. So it was super-loud, noisy, full of college kids and 2 hours of standing-while-pregnant, THEN a mile-long walk back to my hotel room in the mist. Excellent night.

Since then, there’s been a lot of eating and not enough sleeping (not that I haven’t been TRYING. I feel like I’m 80 years old and should be sleeping in front of the TV while my stories are on.) Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, and even though I’ve received many thoughtful cards and gifts, it STILL hasn’t sunk in. Mothers are OTHER people. People who wear sensible pants and don’t eat cereal for dinner.

I haven’t felt any movement, either, so that could be why this is all still theoretical. I mean, when you think about it, what proof do I really have? I’ve seen the alleged fetus on TV — TWICE. I’ve been sick, which could very well have been an extended bout of the flu. Frankly, I think it’s all a big conspiracy, like the moon landing or the Black Eyed Peas inexplicable success. Time will tell.